“The bear goes…if everything else stays.”
I’m still alive lol!
I watched Roseanne; seasons 1 & 2 the other day. Just a few episodes, not all of ‘em. I actually watched “Canoga Time” last night on You Tube. 
I love that one.
I’m doing the quotes from memory, so please keep that in mind. Thanks.
DJ: If I shoot you, your eyes will freeze and you will turn into a zombie!
Roseanne: That’s kind of like your Dad when he watches TV.
Dan: I heard that. Blast her,
DJ. *Holds up her arm.* Good shot! Honey, where do you want this?
Roseanne: Oh God, even when I’m dead you’re asking me where stuff goes!
Darlene: You guys are major dweebs.
Roseanne: That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said about us!
Darlene: Don’t give Mom your report card.
Becky: Alright, Darlene, what’d ya flunk?
Dan: The bear goes…if everything else stays.
Roseanne: Are you black mailin’ me?
DJ: Aunt Jackie, you got a tattoo?
Jackie: Well…maybe.
DJ: Can I see it?
Roseanne: You’re too young.
Dan: Can I see it?
Roseanne: You’re too old.
Darlene: Shoot!
Becky: What’s wrong?
Darlene: I can’t match the red ink. Ms. Crane probably draws the blood out of stray cats to make her ink.
*After Darlene caught DJ listening from the hallway.*
Darlene: You’re dead, DJ!
Becky: Great, now Mom is gonna come up here!
Darlene: No kidding.
Becky: I’m giving Mom my report card.
Darlene: No, you can’t!
Becky: Hey, I’m not getting in trouble just for a month of your stinkin’ allowance!
Darlene: Did I say one month? I meant five!
Becky: Deal!
DJ: Why’d you lock your door?
Darlene: Well I guess I’m so used to locking my locker at school, I just automatically did it.
Roseanne: What you think, DJ?
DJ: Lies. All lies.
Darlene: Mother? Get a life.
I love when Dan was singing as Elvis, & Roseanne & Jackie pretended to fight over his scarf lol. Or when Dad was singing while fixing the clock, & Roseanne caught him lol. Of course, Darlene was caught in the end – Roseanne & Dan knew she changed her grades. She almost got grounded for 3 weeks, but Roseanne cut it down to 2.
I wonder if Darlene actually gave Becky 5 months worth of allowance? What do you all think? I’m thinking probably not. I mean, it IS Darlene lol.
I loved the “fight” at the end between Dan & Roseanne. “Let’s go to bed”. And of course, the neighbors asking how much they wanted for their coffee table [which was thrown outside during the fight] was classic!
All in all, this is one of my favorite episodes. Well, that’s about it for now. Take care, everyone!
Jackie & Booker.
Yesterday I watched a few episodes of Roseanne on TV. One of the episodes was “Here’s To Good Friends” from season 1, where Roseanne and Jackie took Crystal out because she was depressed and heartbroken. While Darlene had to finish a book report. The girls were also hoping to get off of school due to snow.
Random quotes:
Dan: What are you going to tell Crystal?
Roseanne: The same thing I always tell her, to give up on romance and get married.
Dan: Worked for us.
Roseanne: I thought that was due today.
Darlene: Ms. Crane was sick, it’s not due till tomorrow. And the forecast is for snow!
Roseanne: Did you read the book?
Darlene: Snow
Roseanne: Read the book.
Darlene: She was born, she sewed a flag, she died, I can’t write 5 pages on just that.
Roseanne: Crystal’s paying.
Crystal: I didn’t bring that much money.
Roseanne: Oh. Jackie’s paying.
Booker: Why don’t you come back to my apartment and forgive me?
Jackie: Why don’t you go back and forgive yourself?
I loved the part where she acted as Booker’s wife & chased off his wife, lmfao. That outta teach him. If I could find the whole thing to quote, I’d post it. It was too good to only post bits and pieces of.
Honestly, I thought Jackie and Booker were cute together. It would’ve been cool to see them get back together near the end. What about about all of you? Who would you have rather seen Jackie with in the end? Don’t be afraid to comment and discuss!
Some quotes were done by memory [as best as I could]. A few are courtesy of http://www.tv.com/roseanne/show/54/summary.html.
Links, DVDs, & questions – discuss! :)
Once again, I apologize for the lack of updates.
I just opened a new fan blog, It’s A Full House – Full House Fan Blog. Check it out if you’re a fan.
Check out my main site, by the way, with my other fansites listed – Fanwich.com.
Don’t forget to reply to my previous blog and share your favorite Roseanne episode.
Also, check out these official links for Roseanne Barr:
Official Site:
http://www.roseanneworld.com/blog/index.php
Official MySpace:
http://www.myspace.com/roseannecherriebarr
So, does anyone have any of the Roseanne seasons on DVD? My sister has seasons 1-6 & the Halloween DVD. I love stealing and watching them. Especially seasons 1-3. They’re my favorite seasons.
What is / are your favorite season[s]?
Are there anymore out / due out soon?
“And it’s signed the tornado man!”…Favorite Roseanne Episode.
So this one is an open discussion entry. For all readers.
What is your favorite Roseanne episode?
You can name more than one if you can’t decide.
I have many, but my favorite has got to be “Toto, We’re Not in Kansas Anymore” from season one. The one where they had a tornado warning. I can’t watch a bunch of episodes without putting this one on. It still cracks me up ’til this day.
Random quotes:
Dan: Take a deep breath. You know what that smells like? (he puts a garbade can near Roseanne and walks away) What’s the word I’m looking for?
Roseanne: Garbage.
Dan: There’s nothing like the air before a storm. It’s so stimulating.
Roseanne: I feel the same way about laundry.
(Jackie is getting money from Dan)
Jackie: Fork over the bread, Fred.
Dan: Don’t hurry back, Jack.
Jackie: Thanks for the cash, stupid.
(both Roseanne and Dan are walking around in the dark and they bump into each other, making both of them scream)
Crystal: (yelling) Oh, what is it?!
Dan: Nothing.
Roseanne: (fake upset) I just bumped into my future and it was hideous!
(after telling the kids to get away from the window)
Darlene: What good’s a tornado if you can’t see it?
Roseanne: Oh, yeah, you’re right. Why don’t you guys go out and play?
after listening to the tornado report on the radio)
Becky: Aren’t we supposed to be doing something?
Roseanne: Well, what’s the worst that could happen? Okay, the tornado picks up our house and slams it down in a better neighborhood.
Becky: Mother, this is no time to kid around.
Roseanne: Yeah, you’re right. Okay, everybody, panic!
Roseanne: That’s not funny! You’re grounded ’til menopause.
Darlene: Yours or mine?
Roseanne: Your father’s.
[The menopause quote cracks my Mother up EVERY time we watch it!]
(After Dan realizes he shouldn’t use the phone during the storm)
Becky: But I gotta call Diane and tell her I can’t come tonight!
Roseanne: Well, you can tell her later when her house flies by our window.
Jackie: Roseanne, I want to LIVE!
Roseanne: Think it over!
Aaaah, I love this episode. If the TV wasn’t in use, I’d love to watch it now!
Feel free to reply & share your favorite episodes!
I knew a lot of these quotes, but it’s easier to check & see if they’re correct.
“If any guy puts his tounge in my mouth, I’ll puke.”
Wow. I’m really sorry this hasn’t been updating. I had a busy weekend.
I do want to go through more episodes, but I want to watch a few more this week first, since I didn’t get to last week.
Of course, not every entry will be about specific episodes. Right now, I’m going to share some quotes I found funny or memoriable. Feel free to respond & share your own!
Some of these might not be EXACT quotes, but I’m trying to get them as close as I can.
Dan: Damn woman! Who the hell do they think they are?
Roseanne: We’re sugar and spice and everything nice. So bite me!
Roseanne: I’m way more powerful than any law
Jackie [stoned]: Deeee Jaaaaay
Becky: I have to call Diane and tell her I can’t come over tonight!
Roseanne: Well, you can tell her later when her house flies by our window.
Becky: Darlene, why don’t you just kiss my butt?
Darlene: Well haul it on over here, jumbo!
Darlene: If any guy puts his tounge in my mouth, I’ll puke.
Roseanne: That’ll be a good way to get a second date.
Roseanne: That’s not funny! You’re grounded ’til menopause!
Darlene: Yours or mine?
Roseanne: Your father’s!
[After realizig Becky was in the garage getting her pets in the middle of a tornado warning.]
Roseanne: Let’s go get her & beat the hell out of her before the tornado gets her!
Becky: No way, you’re cheating.
Darlene: Becky, how can Nana Mary cheat at cutting cards?
Jackie: It’s HER deck, einstien.
Nana Mary: Just for that you’re out of the will.
[I definitely spelled "einstien" wrong, lol. If I remember, I'll look it up & fix it later.]
DJ: Are you leaving?
Nana Mary: Yes, I have to.
DJ: Why?
Nana Mary: Your Mother doesn’t want me around.
Roseanne: You’re a horrible old lady.
Nana Mary: Yes, and just think, in 40 years you’re going to be exactly like me!
Roseanne: I heard you laid down the law.
Becky: Who told you?
Roseanne: It was on the news.
Darlene: You think we don’t get your corny little sex jokes.
Roseanne: You are our corny little sex jokes.
That’s it for now. I’m sure there will be more random quote entries again!
Lack of updates & Becky Connor.
Sorry for the lack of updates. I won’t have time to today, but this week, I’m going to watch a few more episodes of Roseanne before posting more about them. Sometimes reading summaries & trying to remember isn’t enough.
My sister has seasons 1-6 on DVD. I’m constantly borrowing them. Especially seasons 1-3. I like those the best.
Here is a question for anyone who might read this. Which Becky did you like best?
Lecy Goranson – The original Becky.
Sarah Chalke – Who played Becky when Lecy was not there.
Not to take anything away from Sarah, but I like Lecy the best. She was the first & original Becky, & nobody could play her like she did.
By the way….
I do sit here & remember quite a few quotes from different Roseanne episodes. However, for future reference, I get some of ‘em, plus reminders of what happened in any episodes I don’t remember, in here:
“If Your Sisters Are Dead, You’re In Charge!”
I almost forgot what “D-I-V-O-R-C-E” was about until I looked it up.
Dan & Roseanne go out for the night, leaving Jackie to babysit. But when Jackie is late, they think she’s not showing up. So Becky is left in charge. They then establish that if anything happens to Becky, Darlene is in charge. And then DJ asks about him being in charge. I can’t remember the exact quote, but I believe Roseanne said, “Yes, DJ, if your sisters are dead, you’re in charge”.
While out, Roseanne & Dan run into an old friend, who says she’s now divorced. But Roseanne has inspired her to follow her dream & go back to school. Roseanne & Dan enjoy their lovely night of dining, dancing, & just chatting without the headache of their 3 children. I can’t remember if it was this episode, but I believe they discussed who would get the kids if they ever divorced.
Dan: I hope I can see you again.
Roseanne: Well you can’t. Because I’m happily married and madly in love with my husband.
Dan: Is he bigger than me? He must be a lucky guy.
Roseanne: Yeah, and he better not ever forget it either.
Meanwhile, Darlene decides she’s going to try to make popcorn.
Becky: Mom & Dad said we’re not allowed to use the stove.
Darlene: That’s why I’m going to use a heating pad.
Becky: Okay, but I’m telling you, it’s not going to work.
I don’t think it ever did. But they never said. Clever idea, but I can’t imagine how long it would take to pop popcorn on a heating pad. No, I’m not going to personally try it myself lol. But if anyone else has, feel free to share that story.
Jackie shows up, but the kids toy with her & don’t let her in. So Jackie replies with “I’ve got better things to do than babysit the Three Little Pigs!” & apparently leaves. The kids aren’t as dumb as Jackie thinks, & runs to lock the back door. However, she was one step ahead of them. As they’re hiding at the back door to see where she is, she sneaks up from behind them & screams, scaring the crap out of them.
I’m going to assume she had an extra key. That, or the kids didn’t lock the door like they think they did. I’m not sure, lol.
Good episode. Not one I’m always watching constantly, cuz I watch the same few episodes constantly, but I do like this one.
“It Tolls For Thee, Butthead!”
Sorry for the lack of posts.
The episode I wanna talk about now is “We’re In The Money”, from season 1.
In this episode, Dan gets $500.00 on his check for work he’s done. Dan wants a bell for his boat, Roseanne wants the perfume “Submission”, & Becky wants a pair of designer jeans. But they also realize if they behave with their money, they can get caught up on their bills. In the beginning, Darlene gets caught lying.
Dan: Why’d you lie?
Darlene: Well, I thought I could get away with it.
Hey, atleast she told the truth there, lmfao.
I love when Dan bought home the $500.00 and showed the family.
Dan: You call Dan-Dan: The Drywall Man!
Roseanne: You deserve a kiss! Becky, kiss your Dad!
Roseanne: If there’s any money left, we were thinking about spending it on you kids.
Kids: Alright!
Roseanne: I don’t think we should tell them.
Kids: On what?
Roseanne: We were gonna build you your own swimming pool!
Kids: Yay!
Roseanne: With a 50 foot water slide!
Kids: Yay!
Roseanne: And a pet shark!
Dan: Hurray!
I love that. They didn’t even have a comeback to that. They just walked out of the kitchen.
Later they were talking about what they’d buy. First, Dan called the perfume “Subscription”. Then he kept touching her & kissing her, going “And you’d put a little dab here…”. Her reply was “Get away you’re making me puke!”. Aaah, love is in the air.
Dan: We have to handle this money like adults.
Roseanne: Fine. We’ll be adults. But I don’t wanna.
Dan: Roseanne, you will act like an adult!
Roseanne: You can’t make me!
Of course, after they decide to act like adults, they end up going against their words. Roseanne buys the perfume, & Dan buys the bell.
First off, we can’t forget when Darlene catches Dan with the bell. Dan tells her not to tell her Mother about it.
Darlene: Oooh, you want me to lie!
Remember, they gave Darlene a lesson on lying earlier in the episode.
Roseanne, in the meantime, is trying to hide the perfume by telling Dan she rearranged where the groceries go. When Dan catches her with the perfume, she insists on taking it back. But Dan insists she can keep it & he’ll buy the bell.
[This quote may not be exact:]
Roseanne: You already bought that bell!
Dan: I did not.
Roseanne: You bought the bell!
Dan: [Still insisting he didn't.]
Roseanne: Look me in the eye and tell me you didn’t buy that bell.
Dan: [Looks her in the eye.] I did not buy that bell.
That’s when DJ comes in ringing the very bell Dan apparently didn’t buy.
Dan: Ask for not which the bell tolls.
Roseanne: It tolls for thee, butthead!
[I'm not sure if Dan's quote is correct. Feel free to let me know though.]
So in the end, I can’t quite remember if they paid off the bills or kept their things. I need to re-watch this one & refresh my memory. But I do know that they ended up buying Becky a pair of designer jeans.
Becky: I’ll have to wash ‘em one more time before I wear ‘em to school so they’ll be even tighter!
Roseanne: How popular are you trying to be?!
It ends with Dan giving Roseanne a foot massage while singing “This Little Piggy”.
I love this show though. I haven’t watched this particular episode in awhile though. But I still love it.
By the way, I got some of the quotes from http://www.tv.com/roseanne/show/54/summary.html
I like to give credit where credit is due, lol.
“Our Whole Family Barks!”
Yesterday I started it off with quite the Roseanne ramble, didn’t I?
Tonight I’ll talk about the very first episode, “Life and Stuff”.
I had to look it up to get the correct name, but Sal Barone played DJ for the pilot episode. It wasn’t until the second episode, “We’re In The Money”, that Michael Fisherman joined the cast as DJ.
I like this episode. Okay, I like all of the episodes. But you get introduced to the family, and find out they’re just an average family like anyone else.
Just like any child, DJ would rather have pie for breakfast.
DJ: Dad do you know what would be good for breakfast?
Dan: What?
DJ: Pie.
*Dan looks at Roseanne.*
Roseanne: Tell him no, Dan.
Darlene waits until the last minute to give Roseanne a note from her teacher, requesting a meeting between the two.
Roseanne: Why do you always wait ’til the last minute to give me these things?!
Darlene: I’m sorry! What do you want me to do, throw myself off a bridge?!
Roseanne: Yeah, and take your brother and sister with you!
Becky is told to get off of the phone. When she does and leaves the room, the phone rings again.
Roseanne: Oh hi, I looked in the mirror and I’m getting boobs! She can’t talk right now!
Dan and Roseanne argue over toast crumbs in the butter because it annoys Dan.
Dan: Well you get mad when someone leaves peanut butter in the jelly!
Roseanne: Well that’s just sick!
So she cuts the butter in half and gives Dan the half without the butter in it. That settles that problem.
I’m not sure how to spell the name of Darlene’s history teacher, so I’ll try my best. But the meeting was about Darlene barking in class. Which Darlene later reveals that she does it to keep from falling asleep. However, Ms. Crane thought there may have been a problem inside the home. Roseanne, of course, didn’t agree.
Ms. Crane: Your daughter barks!
Roseanne: Our whole family barks!
Later Roseanne and Dan gets in a fight over who does more work around the house.
I forget what Dan said it was he’s done. It may have been making dinner. Roseanne’s reply was “1970 what?!”.
Dan: You want me to make dinner, fine I’ll make dinner!
Roseanne: Oh but honey, you just made dinner 15 years ago!
*Dan grabs a big can from the shelf.*
Roseanne: You can’t serve a big can of corn!
The fight ends when Darlene cuts herself with the scissors by accident. Becky over reacts & Roseanne tells her to shut up. They clean and bandage Darlene, and take her mind off of it. Dan tries to have her think of a flower, but it doesn’t work. So Roseanne reminds her of a monster truck show they once saw. Then they’re finally done.
That’s one of the reasons why I love the show. It’s so based on real life. Between money, teachers, and the kids constantly fighting, it’s something anyone can relate to.
Now, the quotes may not be exact, but I did them the best I could from memory. I just watched the episode yesterday. That’s about it for now though. I hope everyone has a good night. Settle down, see if it’s on TV or pop in a DVD, & re-live your favorite Roseanne moments!
